how to be a more effective communicator

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Have you ever wondered why your communication doesn’t seem to work with your partner?  You’re told to be a good listener and more open about things but still, the communication appears to have a break down somewhere in it.  

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It is possible that you’re letting person fears and anxieties rule your interactions with your partner.

  • You fear of being wrong.  During an argument with your partner, you are focused on your rebuttal, not their words.  You are waiting for them to finish their point so you can counter with your own and win the argument.  Our fear of losing the argument and made to feel like we’re wrong is what drives us to behave this way.  Instead of focusing on your point, listen to what your partner is saying and put yourself in their shoes.
  • You fear being incompetent.  Being a good listener is way more than listening quietly as your partner speaks, it’s about understanding what your partner is saying.  Sometimes we have difficulty grasping what our conversation partner is saying, for whatever reason.  


    People, especially when they are emotional, can be all over the place with their conversation or speak to events or things you don’t know about.  Gently seeking clarification and asking other questions will help you to understand their perspective better.

how to become an effective communicator

  • You fear opening up.  “I’m fine.”  These words are often spoken when you’re not so fine.  You might have had a bad day or been hurt by the person who you’re talking to, and you don’t want to open up about it.  However, our body language and facial expression will often tell another story.  Your partner will see this and know you’re “not fine.”  You want to avoid these miscommunications and always mean what you say.  The overt messages when send must match the covert messages to build trust between two people.
  • You fear offending.  Just like fear of being vulnerable, we also fear offending or hurting other, and we will not communicate properly to save them from pain.  Just remember that when you chose to filter your feelings, you are completely honest with your partner.  Over time, this can lead to resentment and lack of trust, even if your intentions are not the hurt the other by sharing your feelings.

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When it comes to talking to your partner, couples need to be open and honest all the time.  A failure to communicate properly can be hurtful and lead to a breakup.